March 2012
Mom: LET'S GO I'M READY
: 10 minutes go by
Mom: are you ready yet?????
Me: I've been standing at the door waiting for you for 10 minutes
Mom: Ok I just have to pee and change clothes and water the plants and feed the dogs and cook dinner and swim the english channel
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Verbal Diarreah Part 2.
The Gaslight Anthem still makes me feel all of the feelings in the world, for the past almost three years now. Same butterflies. Every time. And I think it’s Fallon’s voice, or the fact that I use to throw them in on the bus rides home during my first summer or kiddiecamp work and talk to the boarding dude and feel better. They=feeling better. Old friends=feeling better. Facebook...
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Verbal Diarreah.
I have a bodily infection. I’m a huge shitwitt tonight. Waiting on a text before I can sleep. I need a fucking job. I have five dollars until the middle of next week, but unlimited transportation. I need a fucking job. I have a bodily infection. My throat hurts. I want someone to talk to often. I think I need a girlfriend soon. I think I need to stop looking like such a pussybitch all the...
Cat’s been a huge bitch complainer today. He whines in desparation as if he’s stuck somewhere, so I go find him to save him from what sounds like hell, but no, he’s in the middle of some room in no danger. This was the third time today, nothing’s wrong, he’s just on the couch singing. Fucking cat, I bet he just sees ghosts.
Fucker, fuck, fuckity…I just need to fucking do this shit and go to bed, I need to shower (because two today doesn’t feel like enough somehow) and I need to hug someone honestly because I haven’t in a week. Did I not get enough skin to skin contact as a baby or did I just get too much?
February 2012
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Lately. Every speck of my childhood music has come back and I love it more and more daily. Tonight has been full of the new Steve Earle appreciation my parents warned me about and I so adimantly always refused would ever happen.
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Hey Darlin’ Do You Gamble- Lucero
I’m going to stop coming to school. There is not one class I’ve been to in two days, and it’s not like I’ve actually had a class in that long either!
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Là où je suis née-Camille
When you start getting anxious, tell yourself it’s lying, it’s wrong and people do love you.
These are the reminders I need. Anxiety will not get the best of me, I refuse. Fuck that. I want to be happy and make people happy too!
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So tell me lady whatcha say that we liberate some love? I’ve got it on for you and nothing to lose or left to prove this world.
Oh how I am enjoying Chuck Ragan lately. With that, goodnight.
I had the epitome of an off day. All around. I’m glad to be ending it off alright!
Watch
Daddy interrogates daughter to get a confession on who is her favorite parent.
Hahahahaha so my final marks went up online...I...
I will walk from one end of this blasted city to the other. Tomorrow. Because fuck everything else I was going to do, I just want to go to my mom’s office, knock on the door, bring her lunch, and just sit on the floor reading while she works. Yes, tomorrow I want to be seven.
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Storytime.
I once had a friend who up and decided to go live somewhere where nobody knew him. He was once a really good friend. We’ll call him X. He was stupid, sad, unstable, and unreliable. I am not like him in that sense at all. He was carefree, I am too careful. Anyway, I digress. X moved to the mountains where he thought he could love himself and the thigns around him. He was brave. He was...
This my dear, this is the weekend where I need constant love, affection, and company. hahaha I’m a pathetic asswipe. Someone get my some smokes or something. I’m sinking in a sea of poop and the feeling of needing to sleep life off. God I’m shaking nervous. This is all quite strange.
I please me. That is all. Goodnight.
social media is so not my friend these days. i see too much, the lump forms in my throat, i get stressed out, nothing that needs doing gets done. fuck this all.
Update.
I can cross my eyes. I have an artist for my foot tattoo. I am proOoOoOoOocrastinating on this family studies homework. Eh, I am going to probably just do this all after midnight and just fucking eat grapefruit and watch Come Dine With Me Canada until 10. Mom, come sit on this couch with me! My Lizza isn’t even home :(
This is the face of not giving a fuck. Sue me.
I am not an Adele free blog for a little while....
Best Song Written For Visual Media
WINNER “I See The Light” (From “Tangled”) - Alan Menken & Glenn Slater, songwriters (Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi)
My Pascal stuffed animal and I have agreed this was our favourite of the night.
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Sometimes you just hang on for dear life because it’s all that you know you should, can, and would prefer to do. You can make a million lists of pros and cons, but nothing is that systematic. Some things just are.
I’m happy today. I’m happy because I haven’t spoken to hardly anyone in two hours. I’m cooped up in a little corner and I’m happy about that, actually! These independent classes kick ass…but I am going to forget when lunch starts and my phone’s on silent so I won’t even know when people are trying to text me out of my corner. Meeeep. I’m a...
“We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year...”
– Courtney Martin (via setyourcompass)
(via la-sae)
Day 2 of no smoking of attempt number 2 in 2 months. Two two two. I can stop convincing myself that its not that bad for me and realize that its killing my insides. I hate the gym, or Id use that as an excuse that I have other healthy aspects of my life, but I can do this one healthy thing no effort and no cash!
She’s not a ticket out or a safe house. I can scream, but it will only hurt my throat. God I shouldn’t be posting this anyway.